an apology.

i've made a lot of offensive "work" in the past. probably nothing more so than the chapman brothers, tracey emin or perry (the transvestite pottery turner prize winner) the point is though. that i can't believe i made all this disgusting shit. i find it really depressing.

apart from the Fun videos and the animation and stuff and the times (i can remember - thanks medication, depression and insomnia) with my friends i totally regret all the stuff i've done. all the old graphics and shit. even the recentish gay photoshop pictures of muirs and rob. i am really disgusted at myself, and i laughed about this other stuff earlier, but this is just the stuff i can remember. not the horror going on in my brain that made me make all this stuff. under the guise of "humour" and supposedly not being a hypocrite about censorship and making art.

the real horror for me personally is that i simply do not remember making more than half of it.

i think this period of my life ended this year thanks to some good friends and family, for whatever reason i got a wake up call to how stupid and selfish i've been. trying to numb things away. and making horrible art to try and deal with it.

i'm now just saying sorry. i used to think laugh at it all or laugh at none of it.

today i feel like laughing at none of it.

if it's anything to do with me pre-dating roughly 2008 then treat it with the disregard that it deserves.

that mike bromage is dead. this is a new one.

maybe mcrancid is dead? but he was 1999/2000 so maybe he's ok. oh i hope so actually, considering my domain name. ahahahahah. i guess i'm cheering up a bit now after saying how i feel.

like i'm not going crazy here. i still like swearing all the time and all that junk, but i just don't want to make the kind of art that i see in 4 years time and say "what the hell is that disgusting talentless garbage" and the old "that's the point" doesn't stand up. why would a 22 year old man publish pictures of his shit on a website? the problem is, i don't have an answer because i don't even know who that person was. i have no idea.

i'm scared of the future. i'm really anxious. but i'm awake again. and i have to keep it that way.

i just want to make ceramics and paintings that make people smile.

ok, that's my preaching born-again rant over. i'm going to watch some fuckin' trailer park boys.