Dear blog

Do you feel like a neglected child? Not surprised, but it's been a weird year and I don't like talking about life or art anymore. The dust piggies happens every day though. That that's your child.

Paintings

Paintings

Days

A grey day today. Glad I savoured this one.

Die Antwoord fan art

Painty bathtubs

Marbles

I wake in the morning to paint and by night I say I will never paint again. And the next day I wake up in the morning to paint.




I

The worms are all flying

I've seen so many insects today. I want to do some painting but it's getting late. I think I will.

Painting that I did n that.

Today

'S painting work is a homage to a painting by a little boy I have never met, but his mum sent me photos of his work.

Mourning

Did some painting today, in the afternoon. Life has funny ways of reminding you that you are but chaff in the wind. An old building, an loved relative, old toys with sparkling fresh memories. Weird day.

The sun

Monstrous interloper.

Paintings

Wow

Plymouth as beautiful. The sky is the real show off :)

Painting Sunday morning style

Yup that worked. However all my other stuff is lost in the ether. Stupid Internet.
So earlier I got tangled up in a painting. It's nice that an aborted painting can now become a rescued one and a little bi of glory in the painting battle. Recently patterns, code and colour have had a grip and then on rotation this morning I hit green. The boring colour. To the mind etc. well yes so I did a painting out of green, it was a blood bath. And then I did another. Again, blood bath. Then I dried them and worked back in and over. It felt pretty good.
Here are my crinkling inspiration pieces.

Butt

They just, JUST added an update to this mass of butts. See if it works now.

Painted

and updated my blog via blogger. a useless app for iphone which deleted my "process" posts. which were probably not so interesting but at least we could have had a look.

shitty.

Waiting

To go and paint. Decorator is over. Having to wait. Not amazingly good. Really do have shit to do. Not his fault but the delay is frustrating.

Unrelated picture.

Cognitive Distortions (15 version)

1. Filtering.

We take the negative details and magnify them while filtering out all positive aspects of a situation. For instance, a person may pick out a single, unpleasant detail and dwell on it exclusively so that their vision of reality becomes darkened or distorted.

2. Polarized Thinking (or “Black and White” Thinking).

In polarized thinking, things are either “black-or-white.” We have to be perfect or we’re a failure — there is no middle ground. You place people or situations in “either/or” categories, with no shades of gray or allowing for the complexity of most people and situations. If your performance falls short of perfect, you see yourself as a total failure.

3. Overgeneralization.

In this cognitive distortion, we come to a general conclusion based on a single incident or a single piece of evidence. If something bad happens only once, we expect it to happen over and over again. A person may see a single, unpleasant event as part of a never-ending pattern of defeat.

4. Jumping to Conclusions.

Without individuals saying so, we know what they are feeling and why they act the way they do. In particular, we are able to determine how people are feeling toward us.

For example, a person may conclude that someone is reacting negatively toward them but doesn’t actually bother to find out if they are correct. Another example is a person may anticipate that things will turn out badly, and will feel convinced that their prediction is already an established fact.

5. Catastrophizing.

We expect disaster to strike, no matter what. This is also referred to as “magnifying or minimizing.” We hear about a problem and usewhat if questions (e.g., “What if tragedy strikes?” “What if it happens to me?”).

For example, a person might exaggerate the importance of insignificant events (such as their mistake, or someone else’s achievement). Or they may inappropriately shrink the magnitude of significant events until they appear tiny (for example, a person’s own desirable qualities or someone else’s imperfections).

6. Personalization. Personalization is a distortion where a person believes that everything others do or say is some kind of direct, personal reaction to the person. We also compare ourselves to others trying to determine who is smarter, better looking, etc.

A person engaging in personalization may also see themselves as the cause of some unhealthy external event that they were not responsible for. For example, “We were late to the dinner party and caused the hostess to overcook the meal. If I had only pushed my husband to leave on time, this wouldn’t have happened.”

7. Control Fallacies.

If we feel externally controlled, we see ourselves as helpless a victim of fate. For example, “I can’t help it if the quality of the work is poor, my boss demanded I work overtime on it.” The fallacy of internal control has us assuming responsibility for the pain and happiness of everyone around us. For example, “Why aren’t you happy? Is it because of something I did?”

8. Fallacy of Fairness.

We feel resentful because we think we know what is fair, but other people won’t agree with us. As our parents tell us, “Life is always fair,” and people who go through life applying a measuring ruler against every situation judging its “fairness” will often feel badly and negative because of it.

9. Blaming.

We hold other people responsible for our pain, or take the other track and blame ourselves for every problem. For example, “Stop making me feel bad about myself!” Nobody can “make” us feel any particular way — only we have control over our own emotions and emotional reactions.

10. Shoulds.

We have a list of ironclad rules about how others and we should behave. People who break the rules make us angry, and we feel guilty when we violate these rules. A person may often believe they are trying to motivate themselves with shoulds and shouldn’ts, as if they have to be punished before they can do anything.

For example, “I really should exercise. I shouldn’t be so lazy.” Mustsand oughts are also offenders. The emotional consequence is guilt. When a person directs should statements toward others, they often feel anger, frustration and resentment.

11. Emotional Reasoning.

We believe that what we feel must be true automatically. If we feel stupid and boring, then we must be stupid and boring. You assume that your unhealthy emotions reflect he way things really are — “I feel it, therefore it must be true.”

12. Fallacy of Change.

We expect that other people will change to suit us if we just pressure or cajole them enough. We need to change people because our hopes for happiness seem to depend entirely on them.

13. Global Labeling.

We generalize one or two qualities into a negative global judgment. These are extreme forms of generalizing, and are also referred to as “labeling” and “mislabeling.” Instead of describing an error in context of a specific situation, a person will attach an unhealthy label to themselves.

For example, they may say, “I’m a loser” in a situation where they failed at a specific task. When someone else’s behavior rubs a person the wrong way, they may attach an unhealthy label to him, such as “He’s a real jerk.” Mislabeling involves describing an event with language that is highly colored and emotionally loaded. For example, instead of saying someone drops her children off at daycare every day, a person who is mislabeling might say that “she abandons her children to strangers.”

14. Always Being Right.

We are continually on trial to prove that our opinions and actions are correct. Being wrong is unthinkable and we will go to any length to demonstrate our rightness. For example, “I don’t care how badly arguing with me makes you feel, I’m going to win this argument no matter what because I’m right.” Being right often is more important than the feelings of others around a person who engages in this cognitive distortion, even loved ones.

15. Reward Fallacy.

We expect our sacrifice and self-denial to pay off, as if someone is keeping score. We feel bitter when the reward doesn’t come.

Someone is waiting

Someone is waiting to swallow all the halos out of you
As your face blows through my windows
Sending pieces flying all around my room

And I love you and I want to
Shoot all the super heroes from your skies
Watch them bleeding
From your ceiling
As their empty anger falls out from their eyes
All alone...

Crisp and blue

Morning. Beautiful.

Blogging

I am going to try and blog more. That way when I do have / if I have anything interesting to say it'll be on here.

Hurray for gaviscon

Awake

At 4 again. My new meds seem to wake me up same time every day with some kind of side effect. Which isn't too bad. It's nice to have real silence without neighbours and their various barking creatures. Sometimes I paint at this time, but not today. I am painting a bit later today. I have a whole day of it ahead so I'll pace myself.

Note this is not the current sky.

sa ft

it's weird how moments after putting up pictures, drawings and paintings i want to take them down because i hate them. like my new painting work. it's solid and there is work and research and theory behind them, but at the same time i hate them and myself. it's not popular to announce that at dinner parties. but it's fundamental to the whole process that evolves ever single fucking time i do anything at all. black and white thinking. cognitive distortions. that's fascinating stuff also.

vinegar 8

some days i forget my own name. anyway these are a selection of illustrations from a black and white novella i printed a while ago and wanted to put up.

vinegar 7

vinegar 6