Here is a picture of the difference in brain activity of someone with obsessive compulsive disorder as compared to a 'normal control' so with that 24 hours a day, it is exhausting. I also have some unpleasant co-morbid conditions. The end result being that while I can appear fine I am not at all, however in November that changed and it was all a bit of a mess.
I started painting again whenever there was a post on this blog maybe June, but I have at least for the moment abandoned my previous style, because it had become dishonest and I wanted to paint honesty. I notice the edges fraying and more and more the linguistics were changing. Anytime you talk about stuff like this it sounds pretentious. It's unavoidable because it's not necessarily some thing other people are interested in.
So now painting very differently, in an honest and heartfelt way. Which has always been what I wanted to do. Mikey Welsh's death was an impetus for this move in that he was a guy who had suffered mental health problems for a long time and churned out painting after painting using anything he could find to paint on and with. He was a great inspiration as an outsider artist, something that I consider myself to be. My rational is not insider. It doesn't belong. And that's ok actually.
So the experiment might not work. The honestly might not translate into anything but scrubbing. But it's true. And that is always more important because you aren't swimming against a tide and trying to keep up a facade simultaneously.
I also am using a system of abstraction which about using a linguistic algorithm to produce the paintings. Which is a much easier way of explaining the system. Which I will do when I have more time.
