what do i want to do. no idea. so i've kind of gone a bit full circle in a way i think. better materials but i can't help feeling i've been here before. i mean in the sense of what is going on in the images. i'm feeling a bit regressive. which isn't really positive. but then again, maybe i go back to a place of comfort when i'm out of my level ground painting wise. i've been grinding my jaw so my face hurts. so anyway, i totally haven't gone full circle at all. and i think that is a shocking conclusion for me to impose on myself. i just can't seem to make paint make sounds. and that's part of the pinch of trying to do something important to myself, is that i can't make my standards. i can't really make my standards even if i'm doing something more lighthearted (i.e. yf or pigeons).
it's not that i'm making rules, i'm just trying to rationalise things for myself. give myself some helpful parameters to focus my brain, as apposed to firing off in every direction and never hitting anything. it's actually incredibly easy to paint. the issue is painting something of any value to myself (because while i'm a people pleaser, i also need to pat myself on the head) and that's where the struggle is currently situated. classic distractions are leaking in. such as the old "blog moan" tactic. so i think i'll stop dribbling.
