so i started to make some little animals and then i wanted to make a cow a day, which obviously didn't happen, and i wanted to make a bunch of them and fill my house with them, but it was too fiddly and a nightmare, so i stopped because it wasn't time effective and the production line mentality was shitty and defeating my spirit. so then i wanted to do a project thing where i'd do a random project that came into my head every day, which i kind of do, but not so much. so then i started making textile pigeons. and interestingly i didn't make any unrealistic promises with these ones. but i did like doing that. i feel like i can't really achieve what i want with art at the moment because i'm so self critical.
i then realised that i'm actually making a constant progression of ideas and techniques and that's not so bad really. I don't really need to keep re-appraising myself. i haven't claimed to be an "artist" in a long time. and i'm still not. this is the point where i'd comfortably slide into criticising other people for what they are doing, not doing or their output or attitude. however this is more of my classic distraction techniques that i fashion to avoid looking at myself. the only challenge is to keep painting and making positive things. being disgusting is boredom. it's the fastest way to confirm my own opinion of me being utterly mundane. and at which point i've slipped into another pre-arranged thought pattern of self abuse, once again avoiding dealing with making positive and productive assessment. end the paragraph mentioning that i'm self critical and keeping with the theme.
so. i'm going to try making some more animals, try doing some painting that breaks with what is familiar, which i'm not sure is possible at the current time, i want to make animals that are full size. companions for travel maybe. oh i don't know. god i'm bored. actually i'm not. i'm just fed up. and i am SO tired.
